Monday, July 25, 2011

Kitty Confessions, Part VI

I told Mom I wanted canned food every meal. Fancy Feast.

Mom said, "Get a job."

I said, "I want a new kitty bed.  One with a catnip pillow."

Mom said, "Get a job."

I said, "I want a continuous stream of fresh kitty litter in my box."

Mom said, "Get a job."

She was making a necklace and earrings out of aventurine.  While she was dropping beads on the floor and cursing like a sailor, I was reading up on aventurine.

I found this on a website:

"Shortly after she started wearing an aventurine necklace regularly, a close friend got a job offer she wanted but never expected. She loaned her necklace to another friend who was going on vacation. That friend came back with a new love interest. While neither of them gave aventurine all the credit, they both said they felt different when they were wearing the necklace. It was as if a secret dream that had felt out of reach was worth pursuing and could actually happen. That's the power of aventurine."

Clearly I needed that necklace... and the earrings, too, if I was going to get a job.  I waited until Mom set the piece down so she could make Esmeralda stop barking at the dog next door.  Dumb dog.

I wrapped the necklace around my neck a couple of times (it was 20", so I had some give there). 

Since I don't have pierced ears (or anything else, for that matter) I tucked the earrings into my collar.  Then, with Esmeralda still barking, I headed for the front door.  I heard there was an opening for a nightclub singer at a hot little place called Doggie Night Care.

Do you think I look sexy enough? 

Sure enough, I got the job.  I sang all night.  The customers were a bunch of dogs.  No.  Really.    By the end of my shift, I'd been drooled on, pawed, and licked.   Some of them shared their fleas with me.  It was the most disgusting night of my life.  I took my tips and got out of there.  Some of the tips were pig's ears.  Partially chewed.  Really.

I went home, put the necklace and earrings back on the bead desk, and went to bed.

I'm never gonna leave the house again.  Who needs Fancy Feast?

But if you need a job, Mom listed the necklace and earrings on etsy.  Tell her Rhino sent you.

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