Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Return of the Three Vegetarian Witches

Once upon a time, there were three witches: Ursula...




Glenda...





... and Medea.





They lived together in a cottage in the woods where they mixed their potions by day and flew reconnaissance missions at night.  Their familiars ~ an owl, some black cats, spiders, a few bats ~ kept them company.  It was a good life.







But there were problems, as there always are.  The local markets carried limp produce, brown at the edges, unappealing and bland.  There were no local farmer's markets and the ones that could be reached by broomstick had some anti-broomstick ordinances in place.

So Glenda, Medea, and Ursula started to grow their own produce.

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They grew herbs for their potions and vegetables for their table.  They grew greens and tomatoes and eggplants and pumpkins and giant zucchini.  Ursula even rigged a particularly large zucchini to fly like her broom.

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A local skeleton helped them with the gardening.





And life was good.




But there were problems, as there always are.    Ursula became uncomfortable with the notion of using animal parts in their brews.  Not only was it disgusting.  Have you ever tried to remove the eye from a newt?  But it was cruel, and Ursula sat down by the cauldron with Medea and Glenda and told them her thoughts.




It turned out that Medea and Glenda has similar reservations.  They no sooner wanted to dice the tongue of a frog than sit through a Justin Bieber concert.


But witches throughout history had used these ingredients.  They were in all the spell books.  There was no Nouvelle Spell Cuisine from which to draw.


How could they make powerful potions without animal parts?

Still, the witches resolved that they would harm no more animals making their brews.  They used their organic herbs and vegetables, and the potions were  cruelty-free.  Unfortunately, they weren't especially potent.

So again they sat down to think while the cauldron simmered and bubbled.

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Medea started to pace.  She walked the paths around the cottage, and as she paced, she noticed the various stones around her.  They were ordinary stones.  Some were volcanic, some sedimentary, some metamorphic.  But each was different and unique.  This gave Medea and idea.

She hurried back to the cauldron, rocks in both hands, passing some toads who fled at her approach.

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"My dears," she exclaimed.  "Look at these rocks!"

Glenda and Ursula stared, not sure what Medea's point could be.

"Think about it," she said.  "Each rock is different and unique.  Each, it might be said, has a unique power."

Glenda and Ursula had to agree.  They had several volumes about rocks in their library.  "Suppose," Medea continued, "we could obtain the same powers from rocks that we obtain from caterpillar knees.  Suppose certain rocks could grant the same serenity we create with terrapin tonsils.  Would that not be a wonderful advance?"



And so Medea and Ursula and Glenda went to their books.  They read and researched and studied by night.  By day they collected stones and rocks and amulets.  They traded pattypan squash for quartz and rutabagas for aventurine and radishes for jasper.

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Finally they were ready to begin their experiments.  They mixed herbs and vegetables and served them in goblets carved of gemstones.  Little by little, day by day, their potions became more powerful, more specific.

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Each day was filled with new discoveries.  Each night was filled with new recipes.  Soon other witches flocked to the cottage to learn the mysteries Glenda, Medea, and Ursula had unveiled.  They started to blog about their recipes, and even began writing a cookbook.





Their goal: vegetarian witches with potent organic brews.  They would appreciate it if you would become a follower of their blog.  And maybe put in an advance order on  Amazon for the cookbook.  They'd also appreciate it if you took the pledge: I will not make potions with toad tongue.
Glenda, Ursula, and Medea thank you for your support.






Ursula, btw, is pursuing her own interests, making better flying zero-emissions zucchini to replace brooms.  She tried working with pattypan squash for a while, but found the aerodynamics challenging.

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A bracelet with all their endeavors (except the zucchini) can be found here as a one week eBay auction.

1 comment:

  1. Your story makes me laugh, caterpillar knees...so funny! And your bracelet is grand. Love the kitties. Now, why are cats so associated with witches, but not dogs? Maybe because cats have better balance on the back of a broom? I wonder. Thanks so much.

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