Fifteen Things You Probably Didn't Know About the Ocean

Children Writing About the Ocean. 

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7) 

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily 
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6) 

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8) 

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6) 

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7) 

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6) 

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6) 

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7) 

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) 

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8) 

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7) 

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) 

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

Some beadie thoughts on the ocean can be found on etsy.

Kind of On Porpoise

THE PORPOISE

by Ogden Nash

I kind of like the playful porpoise,

A healthy mind in a healthy corpus.

He and his cousin, the playful dolphin,

Why they like swimmin like I like golphin.




A porpoise... a dolphin... it's whatever you want it to be.

When the Sardine Begin the Beguine

Remember the song "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid?  You know...

The newt play the flute
The carp play the harp
The plaice play the bass
And they're soundin' sharp.
The bass play the brass
The chub play the tub
The fluke is the duke of soul
(yeah)

They ray he can play
The lings on the strings
The trout rockin' out
The blackfish she sings
The smelt and the sprat
They know where it's at
An' Oh. That blowfish blow

Well, the sea creatures on this bracelet are the ones who sang back-up.  They played the steel drums, too, but those aren't on the bracelet because they're hidden behind giant clam shells.

You'll see the smelt and the sprat, the blowfish, the plaice...  You'll also find a dolphin who sings tenor, four seahorses who are tone-deaf and merely dance like some back-up singers of old, some sea turtles who sing bass, two starfish who just want to be stars, and two Kissing Fish.

Kissing Fish are quite rare and are never found in captivity.  If they were, they'd be kissing everyone and everything, and no one would be able to blow bubbles or swim.

The group hasn't worked much since The Little Mermaid came out, but they've been working on a demo.  It's almost ready and soon you'll be seeing their faces everywhere.

The pressed glass fish, by the way, are songwriters, and a lot of their new tunes are on the demo.  Their reasoning was sound: if they kept singing Disney hits, they'd have to pay a lot of royalties.  Better to perform their own work.

So keep an eye out for them.  (The porcelain dolphin is handling PR.)