Everything You Wanted to Know About Goblins But Were Afraid to Ask Revisited

Earlier posts have discussed witches and ghosts at great length.  This has caused some grumbling in the goblin community, though their frustration might be due to the fact that the Goblin Fan Club page on FaceBook has only 5 members.

Nonetheless, the Goblin Lobby has demanded equal time so, with the latest Halloween bracelet, here are some goblin facts to assist you in goblin-proofing your home.

The goblin images below, btw, are courtesy of Arthur Siderwick's Field Guide and Tony DeTerlizzi's Imaginopolis Blog.

Now gather near to better learn

A useful thing or three

Of goblin facts, assuredly

Not learned at mother's knee.

The goblin's a small critter

With a head both large and wide

Which is why, with narrow spaces,

Oft' a goblin's trapped inside.

The goblins love to sing aloud

Karaoke, a capella

With words so vile they're known to shame

The most foul mouth-ed fella.

They're bad at consequences,

Never thinking things quite through

Which is why they'll hide in ovens

And emerge as goblin stew.

The goblins are dog-haters

Fearing canines and moreover

You will never find a goblin child

Named Fido, Spot, or Rover.

And, in case you're wondering

About their fear of horses,

Well, horses stomp on goblins

Causing pain and woe, of courses.

Garbage dumps and gutters,

Junk yards, soggy sewers

Are favorite haunts of goblins

Who make refuse into skewers.

As far as meals and eating

It's said goblins are voracious.

And despite their tiny frames

Their stomachs are capacious.

The goblin's love of fire

Earns the label: pyromaniac.

The fact they'll torch their own homes

Makes them lose the label: brainiac.

The goblins believe writing

Is a way to steal their souls

And thus the public library

Belongs, instead, to trolls.

So watch out for the woodpile,

The thistle patch, rain barrel,

The chicken coop, the oven

To avoid the Goblin peril.

See Tony DeTerlizzi's Imaginopolis Blog for more on goblins.  Ten Fun Facts About Goblins can be found here.

Goblins, ghouls, and ghosts on eBay and etsy.

Fred the Zombie

Fred the Zombie

Fred the Zombie is one of the lampwork un-dead.  He likes walks on the beach, eating brains, and dancing like no one's watching.  

Fred can be found here.

The Ghouish Costume Ball

Once upon a Hallow's Eve
Years ago, I do believe,
All the creatures green and ghoulish
Wanted to try something coolish.



If the humans, fat or tall
Could dress any way at all,
Why couldn't the bats and witches
Pull off some sartorial switches?



So they planned and sketched designs
For their 31st deadlines.
Each ghoul planned his own costume
For the Goblin's Grand Ballroom.



Bat was first, dressed as a spider
(Though his butt was a bit wider.)
Ghost dressed as a candy corn ~
The first corn to transport airborne.



Skeletons dressed as warty hags,
Zombies draped in sequined rags,
Black cats came as bandaged mummies,
Werewolves dressed as pirate rummies.



Frankenstein came as a goblin
Who excelled at apple bobblin'.
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Swaddled in alien's cocoon.



Wolfman was a chic vampire
In his girlfriend's goth attire.
Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde
Showed up as the Corpse's Bride.



Creatures from each rank and phylum
Danced at this costumed asylum.
When they'd done all they'd desired,
They hit the coffins... and retired.



A souvenir bracelet of the event.

Karaoke Ghouls

Ever wonder what ghouls do when the Halloween season is past?  Well, some work as extras in horror films.  But so much production is going out of town that it's hard for them to stay employed.  So a great number of the ghouls have become professional karaoke artists.  "How can you spot a professional karaoke artist?" you ask?  Well, for one thing, each has his own microphone.



Nights you can find them at any of a number of karaoke bars, singing such hits as "In the Shrill of the Night," "Stairway to Hell," "The Witch is Back," "50 Ways to Eat Your Liver," and  "Undead Melody."  (Thanks to topfive.com)



These ghouls only work nights, so they are available for Career Day at your child's school.  You can contact them here.

A Werewolf, a Ghoul, and a Vampire

by Shel Silverstein



Settin’ ‘round the campfire
With a Werewolf, a Ghoul, and a Vampire,
I told ‘em the story of Murderin’ Mack,
And the Ghoul ran off screamin’
And never came back.



Settin’ ‘round the campfire
With the Werewolf and the Vampire,
I told ‘em the tale of Three-Headed Ed,
And the Werewolf ran home
And hid under the bed.




Settin’ ‘round the campfire,
Just me and that ol’ Vampire,
I read him the poem of the skeleton bone,
And now it’s just me,
Settin’ here all alone.



The ghoul is hiding here.

A Few of Ghoul's Favorite Things

Ghosts in white sheets who are who are bleached, washed, and pressed.
Witches who fly on their brooms, over-dressed.
Goblins who feast on hot deep fried bat wings.
These are a few of my favorite things.





Bones picked quite clean by the local town buzzard.
Skulls who remind you of Great Uncle Fuzzard.
Spiders who lurk by the dark bathtub rings.
These are a few of my favorite things!





Scarecrows who dance while the full moon is shining.
Witches who waltz while deep spells they're divining.
Cauldrons that bubble with brew the witch brings.
These are a few of my favorite things.








When the hound bays, when the cat howls,
When ghosts clank their chains
I simply remember my favorite things
And sit down to dine on brains!



Catch your favorite things here.