Attack of the Zombie Snowpersons!

You thought they were snowmen, didn't you?  Jolly happy souls, made of snow, who occasionally came to life.

And sure, some of those snowmen and snow-women you see are the jolly happy souls.

Then there are... the Un Dead.  The snowpeeps who are no longer among the living, who search for brains, who lose limbs and don't seem to notice or care.

Try the zombie checklist:

• Snowman zombies are undead. This means they used to be dead, but are somehow reanimated .

• Zombies don't walk.  They shuffle, slide, and roll. 

• Zombies generally have their arms outstretched.

• Zombies don't talk.  They do make sounds -- usually something like "Aaaaaangh!" or "Braiiiiiiiiiins!"

• Zombies wear dirty torn clothes, if they wear any clothes at all... like a castaway muffler or an old hat.

• Zombies are usually covered in blood.  Snowman zombies, having different circulatory systems and different eating habits, are covered in, well, snow.

• Zombies look like they're sick.  You know - kind of bloated, with little body definition.

• Zombies have dead expressions and vacant stares.  Their eyes might as well be two lumps of Kingsford charcoal.

• Zombies crave brains.  What do you think these are carrying in their hands?

• Zombies will get up after you run them over with your car.

 So what to do in case you meet up with a snowman zombie?

Best case scenario: Avoid the zombie in question. Failing that:

• Some say decapitation works best and will stop a zombie in his tracks.

• Cutting a zombie  into tiny pieces with some sort of chainsaw works, but in the case of snow and electrical chainsaws there can be electrocution problems.  A snow shovel should do the trick.

•  Hairdryer.

In any event, exercise caution and stay as far from the zombie snowperson as possible.  The further you are, the less likely you are to have an arm or leg ripped off your body.

Zombies will lunge at you if they think they have an open shot at your brains.  And on that subject, it is best to keep your head and brains covered.

The zombie snowmen in these earrings will actually protect you.  You see, each one is already carrying a brain.  So they won't need yours.  If other zombie snowmen see them, they will think the brains are YOUR brains, and move on to someone else.

These protection zombie snowmen are available on etsy.  Can you afford to be without them?

Everything You Wanted to Know About Goblins But Were Afraid to Ask Revisited

Earlier posts have discussed witches and ghosts at great length.  This has caused some grumbling in the goblin community, though their frustration might be due to the fact that the Goblin Fan Club page on FaceBook has only 5 members.

Nonetheless, the Goblin Lobby has demanded equal time so, with the latest Halloween bracelet, here are some goblin facts to assist you in goblin-proofing your home.

The goblin images below, btw, are courtesy of Arthur Siderwick's Field Guide and Tony DeTerlizzi's Imaginopolis Blog.

Now gather near to better learn

A useful thing or three

Of goblin facts, assuredly

Not learned at mother's knee.

The goblin's a small critter

With a head both large and wide

Which is why, with narrow spaces,

Oft' a goblin's trapped inside.

The goblins love to sing aloud

Karaoke, a capella

With words so vile they're known to shame

The most foul mouth-ed fella.

They're bad at consequences,

Never thinking things quite through

Which is why they'll hide in ovens

And emerge as goblin stew.

The goblins are dog-haters

Fearing canines and moreover

You will never find a goblin child

Named Fido, Spot, or Rover.

And, in case you're wondering

About their fear of horses,

Well, horses stomp on goblins

Causing pain and woe, of courses.

Garbage dumps and gutters,

Junk yards, soggy sewers

Are favorite haunts of goblins

Who make refuse into skewers.

As far as meals and eating

It's said goblins are voracious.

And despite their tiny frames

Their stomachs are capacious.

The goblin's love of fire

Earns the label: pyromaniac.

The fact they'll torch their own homes

Makes them lose the label: brainiac.

The goblins believe writing

Is a way to steal their souls

And thus the public library

Belongs, instead, to trolls.

So watch out for the woodpile,

The thistle patch, rain barrel,

The chicken coop, the oven

To avoid the Goblin peril.

See Tony DeTerlizzi's Imaginopolis Blog for more on goblins.  Ten Fun Facts About Goblins can be found here.

Goblins, ghouls, and ghosts on eBay and etsy.