Kitty Confessions, Part VII

 My name is Dracula.  I'm a special needs kitty.  I have a condition known as cerebellar hypoplasia.  It means that I have bad balance and I fall down a lot.  Also I like to poop on the bed.  I blame it on my cerebellar hypoplasia.

 Sometimes I sing.

My humans went to Korea for a year and left me with Grandma.  Grandma takes good care of me. She cleans my cat box five times a day, which is good because sometimes I like to sleep there.  (Grandpa put a sheet of plywood in front of the bed so I couldn't poop there any more.  Now I poop in his bag of guitar strings.  Wait'll he finds those treasures I left him!)

Grandma feeds me canned food.  She even gets me the expensive flea meds, and lets me go down the porch stairs for fun.  Then she carries me back up.  Sometimes I play hide and seek with the dog.  She thinks she's some kind of friggin' Lassie or something.

But it's a drag having Mom and Dad in Korea, and falling down all the time.  Then I read about malachite:


Malachite has been traditionally used to ward off danger and fight illness. It has been said to protect against falling and has been wrapped over bruises and broken bones to help with tissue regeneration and healing.

I had to get me some of that.  Fortunately Grandma had malachite in her stash.  She was making a necklace and earrings and a bracelet.

That meant she'd be dropping plenty on the floor.  Grandma calls that a "heavy gravity day."  I call it Smorgasbord.

She dropped plenty of malachite, and I cleverly fell on top of it to hide it.

Then, when Grandma went to look for a clasp, I rolled it down the stairs to my room.  I put it in my beloved cat box.

And I sat on top of it.  I sat and I sat and I sat.

I could feel it working already!

When I got up, I felt like I could do anything!  I bet I could even jump over that plywood and poop on Mom and Dad's bed, like old times.

(But I'll save that for later.)

To say thank you to Grandma, I didn't poop next to the litter box for two whole days. 

That made her VERY happy.  She said I was a very good kitty.

If you want some malachite jewelry, Grandma has it in her etsy shop.  You probably don't even need to put it in your litter box.

Kitty Confessions, Part VI

I told Mom I wanted canned food every meal. Fancy Feast.

Mom said, "Get a job."

I said, "I want a new kitty bed.  One with a catnip pillow."


Mom said, "Get a job."

I said, "I want a continuous stream of fresh kitty litter in my box."



Mom said, "Get a job."

She was making a necklace and earrings out of aventurine.  While she was dropping beads on the floor and cursing like a sailor, I was reading up on aventurine.

I found this on a website:

"Shortly after she started wearing an aventurine necklace regularly, a close friend got a job offer she wanted but never expected. She loaned her necklace to another friend who was going on vacation. That friend came back with a new love interest. While neither of them gave aventurine all the credit, they both said they felt different when they were wearing the necklace. It was as if a secret dream that had felt out of reach was worth pursuing and could actually happen. That's the power of aventurine."

Clearly I needed that necklace... and the earrings, too, if I was going to get a job.  I waited until Mom set the piece down so she could make Esmeralda stop barking at the dog next door.  Dumb dog.

I wrapped the necklace around my neck a couple of times (it was 20", so I had some give there). 

Since I don't have pierced ears (or anything else, for that matter) I tucked the earrings into my collar.  Then, with Esmeralda still barking, I headed for the front door.  I heard there was an opening for a nightclub singer at a hot little place called Doggie Night Care.

Do you think I look sexy enough? 

Sure enough, I got the job.  I sang all night.  The customers were a bunch of dogs.  No.  Really.    By the end of my shift, I'd been drooled on, pawed, and licked.   Some of them shared their fleas with me.  It was the most disgusting night of my life.  I took my tips and got out of there.  Some of the tips were pig's ears.  Partially chewed.  Really.

I went home, put the necklace and earrings back on the bead desk, and went to bed.

I'm never gonna leave the house again.  Who needs Fancy Feast?

But if you need a job, Mom listed the necklace and earrings on etsy.  Tell her Rhino sent you.

Kitty Confessions, Part V

My name is Uncle Buckethead and I'm a rescue kitty. I live with the Bearded One, in his room with his collections of LPs, DVDs, graphic novels, ceramics, and several million drawings that he won't sell.  I was rescued when I was a little girl, living outside with my siblings and the coyotes.  Life is good now.  The house is filled with litterboxes and feeding dishes, and there's always a cat or dog to curl up with.  When I want adventure, I jump out a window and watch the Bearded One search for me.

But I miss my siblings.  There was Fluffy Bottom and Prime Minister Monkey.  They are far away now, and I would really like to communicate with them.  So when The Goddess of BrightandShinyThings started making her earrings this week, I sat right under her chair.  And I waited, because she always drops a little something to appease the Gravity Gods.

And sure enough, she did.  First she dropped an entire amethyst nugget.  You can see the size of them in this photo.  Amethysts aren't just for healing and contentment.  Oh, no.  You see,  in the psychic and spiritual realms, amethyst is an excellent all-purpose stone that can increase spirituality and enhance intuition and psychic powers of all kinds.  Just what this kitty needed!

I figured if I waited some more, she's make another gift to the Gravity Gods, and I didn't have to wait long.  Pretty soon a nice chunk of Purple Chalcedony bounced right by my paw.

Purple Chalcedony is the best for awakening dormant psychic capacities.  I have a lot of dormant capacities.  I'm a cat, after all.  But, with the Purple Chalcedony, I was on the path to Clairvoyance!  Clairaudience! And Clairsentience!

I figured it couldn't get any better than that.  I was one gemstone away from a chat with Prime Minister Monkey.  But the Gravity Gods were good.  No sooner had I hidden the Purple Chalcedony than I was greeted by Fluorite Falls!

Sure, I had all the psychic stones I needed. But I'm a cat.  I'm not known for deep thought processes.  I needed something to focus the brain cells I have.  And here it was.  Fluorite.  It has the ability to influence the activities that occur on the mental plane of consciousness, amplifying, focusing, expanding, and creating new pathways for my mind.

So if you'll excuse me, I'll be putting myself in a trance so I can commune with the sibs.  I can't wait to hear the stories Prime Minister Monkey always tells.  He's a real stitch. I coughed up a hairball last time we chatted. 

If you need me, I'll be on the astral plane.

But call me when it's dinner time.

Gemstone earrings here and here.  Buck on the Astral Plane.