Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney

by Kenn Nesbitt

Poor Santa got stuck in our chimney.
I know it sounds weird, but it's true.
His feet made it down, but his belly
was one size too large for the flue.

His reindeer are up on our rooftop.
His sleigh is still loaded with toys.
And Santa, that kindly old fellow,
is making a whole lot of noise.

We called the police and the sheriff.
They showed up with ladders and cranes.
They brought all their winches and pulleys,
plus bungee cords, cables and chains.

They're working right now to remove him
by hoisting him slowly back out.
It might take all morning, for Santa
is more than a little bit stout.
 

If you don't have presents this morning,
we're sorry you're having to wait.
But Santa's still stuck in our chimney.
He may be a day or two late.

Until then, please hide all your cookies.
Though Santa may find this severe,
at least then he'll fit down the chimney
when he comes on Christmas next year.

 Christmas BrightandShinyThings here and here.

There's a Witch Outside My Window

by Kenn Nesbitt

There's a witch outside my window and she will not go away.
There's a gremlin on my doorstep and I think he's there to stay.

There's a troll demanding candy and a mummy wanting sweets.
There's a ghost, a ghoul, a goblin and they're clamoring for treats.

And as if that weren't enough to be considered rather shocking.
A vampire rang my doorbell and the bogeyman is knocking.

My abode is now surrounded by the recently deceased,
They're in search of gum and chocolate on which they plan to feast.

It's the strangest situtation that I think I've ever seen.
How I wish they'd go away and just come back on Halloween.

The witch outside the sindow bracelet is up for auction on eBay this week. 

The Monsters' Musical Contest

by Kenn Nesbitt

 When the musical contest for monsters convened,
the Wolfman was howling and played like a fiend.
Then Dracula jammed, but flew into a rage
when Frankenstein's torch singing lit up the stage.

The Mummy, he rapped with the aid of a band,
but stopped when The Blob ate his microphone stand.
The Blob, by the way, also swallowed The Fly.
(I don't know why he swallowed The Fly.)

The Creature that came from that famous lagoon
was booed by the ghosts when he sang out of tune.
Dr. Jekyll had stage fright and ran off to hide,
while Igor sang love songs to Frankenstein's Bride.

The Thing did impressions. The Boogey-Man danced.
The Zombie just stood there, completely entranced.
The Invisible Man played his air guitar well,
but no one could see him so no one could tell.

They played through the night having oodles of fun,
but couldn't determine which monster had won.
And so they decided they'd have to convene
and do it again on the next Halloween.

Halloween treasures from Cornerstoregoddess

My Dog Does Homework

by Kenn Nesbitt

My dog does my homework
at home every night.
He answers each question
and gets them all right.

There's only one problem
with homework by Rover.
I can't turn in work
that's been slobbered all over.

These dog charms will only slobber on beaded homework.  They can be adopted in my eBay and etsy shops.

My Hippo Has the Hiccups

~Kenn Nesbitt

My hippo has the hiccups
and his hiccups shake the ground.
The floor is always rumbling
when my hippo is around.

I bought him at the pet store
But I missed a small detail.
I didn't see the sign said:
"Hiccupotamus for sale."

Both hiccupotamus and hippopotamus charms can be found on eBay and on etsy.

When Pigs Fly

by Kenn Nesbitt 

I've heard it said that pigs will fly
and someday soon they'll rule the sky.
That may sound strange but, if it's right,
I don't suppose they'll fly a kite.
I'll bet, instead, they'll have to train
so they can learn to fly a plane,
or join the Navy where they'll get
to learn to fly a fighter jet. 

Or maybe they'll grow piggy wings,
or put on shoes with giant springs,
or fly in huge hot-air balloons,
or seaplanes with those big pontoons,
or biplanes like a flying ace,
or shuttles into outer space,
or rocket ships for trips to Mars,
or flying saucers to the stars. 

However pigs decide to fly,
as long as they are way up high
and busy buzzing all around
instead of grunting on the ground,
I think it's safe to say I'll love
to see them soaring up above.
I'm sure I won't be shocked or shaken.
Still, I'll prob'ly miss the bacon.

Flying pigs here and here.