Showing posts with label EHAG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EHAG. Show all posts

Sunday, May 31, 2015

The Three Vegetarian Witches and Their Magic Stones









Once upon a time, there were three witches: Ursula...






Glenda...






... and Medea.






They lived together in a cottage in the woods where they mixed their potions by day and flew reconnaissance missions at night.  Their familiars ~ an owl, three black cats, spiders, a few bats ~ kept them company.  It was a good life.








But there were problems, as there always are.  


The local markets carried limp produce, brown at the edges, unappealing and bland.  There were no local farmer's markets and the ones that could be reached by broomstick had some anti-broomstick ordinances in place.

So Glenda, Medea, and Ursula started to grow their own produce.


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They grew herbs for their potions and vegetables for their table.  They grew greens and tomatoes and eggplants and pumpkins and giant zucchini.  Ursula even rigged a particularly large zucchini to fly like her broom.


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And life was good.



But there were problems, as there always are.    Ursula became uncomfortable with the notion of using animal parts in their brews.  Not only was it disgusting.  Have you ever tried to remove the eye from a newt?  






It was cruel. Ursula sat down by the cauldron with Medea and Glenda and told them her thoughts.  It turned out that Medea and Glenda has similar reservations.  They no sooner wanted to dice the tongue of a frog than sit through a Justin Bieber concert.



But witches throughout history had used these ingredients.  They were in all the spell books.  There was no Nouvelle Spell Cuisine from which to draw.



How could they make powerful potions without animal parts?

Still, the witches resolved that they would harm no more animals making their brews.  They used their organic herbs and vegetables, and the potions were  cruelty-free.  Unfortunately, they weren't especially potent.

So again they sat down to think while the cauldron simmered and bubbled.


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Medea started to pace.  She walked the paths around the cottage, and as she paced, she noticed the various stones around her.  




Some were volcanic, some sedimentary, some metamorphic.  But each was different and unique.  This gave Medea and idea.



She hurried back to the cauldron, rocks in both hands, passing some toads who fled at her approach.



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"My dears," she exclaimed.  "Look at these rocks!"




Glenda and Ursula stared, not sure what Medea's point could be.

"Think about it," she said.  "Each rock is different and unique.  Each, it might be said, has a unique power."

Glenda and Ursula had to agree.  They had several volumes about rocks in their library.  "Suppose," Medea continued, "we could obtain the same powers from rocks that we obtain from caterpillar knees.  Suppose certain rocks could grant the same serenity we create with terrapin tonsils.  Would that not be a wonderful advance?"





And so Medea and Ursula and Glenda went to their books.  They read and researched and studied by night.  By day they collected stones and rocks and amulets.  They traded pattypan squash for quartz and rutabagas for aventurine and radishes for jasper.


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Finally they were ready to begin their experiments.  They mixed herbs and vegetables and served them in goblets carved of gemstones.  Little by little, day by day, their potions became more powerful, more specific.




Each day was filled with new discoveries.  Each night was filled with new recipes.  Soon other witches flocked to the cottage to learn the mysteries Glenda, Medea, and Ursula had unveiled.  They started to blog about their recipes, and even began writing a cookbook.




Their goal: vegetarian witches with potent organic brews.  They would appreciate it if you would become a follower of their blog.  And maybe put in an advance order on  Amazon for the cookbook.  They'd also appreciate it if you took the pledge: I will not make potions with toad tongue.

Glenda, Ursula, and Medea thank you for your support.

Ursula, btw, is pursuing her own interests, making better flying zero-emissions zucchini to replace brooms.  She tried working with pattypan squash for a while, but found the aerodynamics challenging.


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A bracelet with all their endeavors (except the zucchini) can be found here.  And Medea's magical rock charms can be found here.



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Tell Them Boris Sent You



with lyrics by Bobby "Boris" Pickett



I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab, began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise


He did the mash, he did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the monster mash


From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash, they did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
They did the mash, it caught on in a flash
They did the mash, they did the monster mash


The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolfman,
Dracula, and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, 'The Crypt-Kicker Five'


They played the mash, they played the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
They played the mash, it caught on in a flash
They played the mash, they played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
Opened the lid and shook his fist and said
"Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist? "


It's now the mash, it's now the monster mash
The monster mash, it was graveyard smash
It's now the mash, it caught on in a flash
It's now the mash, it's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my Monster Mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you


Then you can mash, then you can monster mash
The monster mash, and do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash, you'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash, then you can monster mash


Bracelet available on etsy.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Haunted House on Howlin’ Hill

Haunted







by Shel Silverstein

I dare you all to go into
The Haunted House on Howlin’ Hill,
Where squiggly things with yellow eyes
Peek past the wormy window sill.




We’ll creep into the moonlit yard,
Where weeds reach out like fingers,
And through the rotted old front door
A-squeakin’ on it hinges,

Down the dark and whisperin’ hall,
Past the musty study,
Up the windin’ staircase--
Don’t step on the step that’s bloody--


Through the secret panel
To the bedroom where we’ll slide in
To the ragged cobweb dusty bed
Ten people must have died in.

And the bats will screech,
And the spirits will scream,
And the thunder will crash
Like a horrible dream,


And we’ll sing with the zombies
And dance with the dead.
And howl at the ghost
With the axe in his head,



And--come to think of it what do you say
We go get some ice cream instead?


Bracelet available on etsy: 
https://www.etsy.com/listing/205388634/ghost-black-cat-witch-halloween-charm?ref=shop_home_active_1

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Famous Black Cats in History

I was perusing a list of famous black cats, courtesy of www.mchumane.org.  They, of course, neglected to mention the black cats on this necklace.




 And in these earrings...




They also forgot Mark Twain's black cat, Bambino, whose story you can read in Priscilla Maltbie's enchanting book.



But mchumane.org did list Black Pete (Mickey Mouse) (AKA Pegleg Pete)




Boo-Boo Kitty (Laverne and Shirley)



Isis (Star Trek)


Penelope Pussy Cat (Pepe Le Pew)  (Penelope is technically a tuxedo cat, and, as such, gives me the opportunity to show you what an actual black cat looks like.  See below.)






Pluto (The Black Cat, Edgar Allen Poe, from an Aubrey Beardsley print)



Salem (Sabrina, the Teenage Witch)



Snowball II, Snowball V (The Simpsons) (That's Snowball II in the picture)



Socks (“First Cat” during Clinton Administration) (Again, Socks is a tuxedo cat.  Let me refresh your memory about black cats.)





Sylvester (Looney Tunes) (Ahem.  Sylvester is clearly a tuxedo.  See picture for comparison.)





Winky (Escape from Witch Mountain)



Blackie, a cat that inherited 15 million British Pounds and thus became the richest cat in history.  (Note the white paws.  Comparison pic coming up.)



Baby, the world's oldest cat




The necklace and earrings are available in my etsy shop.