An Angelic Question

They say that a whole band of angels




Can fit atop one small pin's head.



If that is the case, I just question



How they mend their hems with pins and thread.



Plenty of angels for hems and protection.

The Purple Picky Kitty Eater

There was a little kitty cat,
No feline could be sweeter.
She purred and did good cat-like things
But was a picky eater.



This cat preferred the types of foods
That came in shades of violet
And when fed foods less purple
She would howl and be un-quiolet.



Blackberries were her entrees
And those 'taters from Peru,
Eggplants, plums and rotkohl
With some boysenberry stew.



Green beans that were purple,
Plummy basil and some taro,
Which she chased with sun-kissed ripened grapes
That she stole from a sparrow.



And then one day it came to pass
(As we all feared it would)
She turned a shade of purple
(Though on her it looked quite good.)



You'll find her on this eyeglass chain
With beads in all her hues.



Just hope she doesn't change her mind
And switch to foods chartreuse.

Yet Another Look at Hanukkah

In earlier posts, I've described the history of Hanukkah and some Hanukkah traditions, as well as providing the lyrics to Adam Sandler's first Hanukkah song.  Here are the lyrics to his second Hanukkah song, with notes from Wikipedia, and a bookmark and extra verse from me. Enjoy!



Put on your yarmulke,
It's time for Chanukah.
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah.

Chanukah is the festival of lights.
Instead of one day of presents,
We get eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree,
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish,
Just like you and me.

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine,
Then spins a dreidel
With Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein,

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys:
The girls from Veruca Salt
And all three Beastie Boys.

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half, too.
Put them together--
What a funky bad ass Jew!

We got Harvey Keitel,
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals.
(This is an error.  Beals says she once wanted to be Jewish, but is not.)
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish,
And yes, her boobs are real.

Put on that yarmulke,
It's time for Chanukah.
Two- time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
Celebrates Chanukah.

O.J. Simpson?
Still not a Jew.
But guess who is:
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo.
(That would be Don Messick.)




Bob Dylan was born a Jew,
Then he wasn't, but now he's back.
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.



Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour:
No, I'm not talking about Tiger Woods.
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews
Are in the show biz.
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It's time to celebrate Chanukah.
It's not pronounced Chanakah
The C is silent in Chanukah.

So read your hooked on phonica,
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!

If you want to have funnaka, read books on the runnaka,
Check out this bookmark and then we will be done-aka.


The symbol on it, by the way, is the Chai, which is the Hebrew hai ( חַי) meaning "living."  The Chai is a symbol that figures prominently in jewish culture. It consists of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet Chet (ח) and Yod (י).  The Hebrew word ḥai   חַי "living" is releated to the term for life, (" chaim; hayyim.)  This appears in the slogan "`am yisrael chai!" (עַם יִשְרָאֵל חַי, "The people of Israel live!").  It's also what you hear in the song from "Fiddler on the Roof": To life, to life, l'chaim.  L'chaim, l'chaim, to life..."

The Christmas Dog and some Christmas Brightandshinythings

Christmas Dog

by Shel Silverstein

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.



What's that now---footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard---
And a big sack for robbin' the house?



I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I've frightened the whole bunch away.



Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again.
The stockin's are safe as can be.
Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
And see how I've guarded the tree.



So here is the tree, according to me,
That I made our of baubles and beadies.
You'll find it right here, so stifle that fear.
You can buy it without those entreaties,

To Do List for the First Night of Hanukkah

For many Jewish families, the first night of Hanukkah is the most important one. It opens the entire eight-day celebration. You can celebrate the first night of Hanukkah by preparing Jewish traditional foods, lighting the Hanukkah menorah, saying special prayers, and exchanging gifts. Jewish games like the dreidel and the Hanukkah gelt hunt are also played during the holiday.



1.  Clean house.  Get in the Hanukkah spirit by decorating with Hanukkah decorations.



2.  Clean the menorah, which is undoubtedly covered with old melted wax.  If you're using a brand new menorah, check and make sure you have the right size candles for it.  (Do that with an old menorah, too.)



3.  Fill the menorah with candles.  Put in eight candles for the eight nights of Hanukkah and one shamash (helper) candle.  The menorah goes in a window to illuminate the miracle of the oil that burned for eight days.  Or is can be placed in a doorway opposite the mezuzah, which holds the prayers for entering a Jewish home.

Read more here. 

4.  Gather the family around the menorah at sundown.  Using the shamash, light the first Hanukkah candle, and say the Hanukkah blessings.  When lighting candles, the first candle is on the far right ~ the same order as Hebrew writing.



5.  Prepare a festive meal, with traditional Hanukkah fare, such as latkes, sufganiyot, and blintzes.  Latkes recipe below.



6.  Tell the story of Hanukkah ~ of the Maccabees and the miracle of the oil light that lasted for eight days.



7.  Play the dreidel game and sing Hanukkah songs.



8.  Give the children some Hanukkah gelt.



9. Give gifts to poor children, or donate to a favorite charity.


More information here.

Here's that latkes recipe I promised you.




Yukon Gold Potato Latkes
1½ pounds onions, peeled and quartered
3 lbs. Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and quartered
2 large eggs, beaten
¼ c. flour
3 Tbs. chopped fresh parsley
2¼ tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground black pepper
Vegetable oil (for frying)

Place onions in food processor.  Using On/Off switch, chop.  Transfer onions to large bowl.  Using the grating blade, grate the potatoes coarsely.  Mix the potatoes with the onions to prevent discoloration.  Fill the bowl with water and rinse out some of the starch.  You may want to do this a few times.
Drain the onions and potatoes in the colander.  Then wrap in a cloth towel and squeeze out the excess moisture.

Return the potato mixture to the large bowl, and mix together with the eggs, flour, parsley, salt, pepper, and baking powder.  Stir until mixture is well-blended and sticks together slightly.

Put enough oil in a heavy skillet to cover the bottom generously.  Heat over medium high heat.

 Working in batches, drop potato mixture into the oil.  Use a spatula to flatten into latke shapes.  Fry until crisp and brown.  Flip and do the same on the other side.  Re-heat the oil between batches, adding more oil as necessary.

When they are cooked, place the latkes on a baking sheet in a 250° oven.

Latkes can be made 4 hours ahead and reheated in a 350° oven.

Serve with applesauce and sour cream or crème fraiche.





My ornaments can be purchased here and here.

Some fun Hanukkah craft projects can be found at the Creative Jewish Mom right here.

The Goddess Facility

The goddess of fertility,

Earth mother-like ability



She deals with life's futility

And does it with tranquility.

 

My charms have some mobility.  (They are now available on both etsy and eBay.)

Another Look at Hanukkah

A few days ago, I told the story of Hanukkah.  Here's a lighter take - Adam Sandler's Hanukkah lyrics, with some footnotes from Wikpedia and some bracelet pictures (and an extra verse) from me.



Intro: This is a song, that uh, there's a lot of Christmas songs out there, but not too many about Hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Hanukkah songs.  Here we go...

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah.
It's so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree,
Here's a list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:

David Lee Roth lights the menorah.
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah. 



Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli:
Bowzer from Sha-Na-Na, and Arthur Fonzerrelli.

Paul Newman's half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too.
Put them together--what a fine lookin' Jew!

You don't need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
Cause you can spin the dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock--both Jewish!



Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah,
The owner of the Seattle Super Sonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah.

O.J. Simpson-- not a Jew!
But guess who is...hall of famer Rod Carew--(he converted!)
(this is an error; Carew married a Jewish woman, but he did not convert to Judaism)

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish--not too shabby!
(This is an error; Ford's mother is actually fully Jewish.)



Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is,
Well, he's not, but guess who is!  All three Stooges.

So many Jews are in the show biz-a--
Tom Cruise isn't, (but I heard his agent is-a).

Tell your friend Veronica, it's time you celebrate Hanukkah.
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah.

So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, but don't smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah!  Happy Hanukkah!

If you really wanna-ka celebrate Hanukkah,

Check out this bracelet, shot with my Konica.

(Not true.  I used a canon PowerShot SX200.)

The Month Before Christmas

'Twas the month before Christmas and all through the house
"Preps haven't been started!" Mom started to grouse.
"We don't have a tree and the lights are all knotted
And the market eggnog is sugary and clotted."



The stockings, when pulled from ye old Public Storage
Were eaten by moths who mistook them for porridge.
Each embroidered name was now just tattered threads.
The reindeer that graced them had all lost their heads.



The Christmas tree lot was a Jack in the Box
With service by teens sporting bright green mohawks.
A search for a lot using mobile phone apps
Left Mom's aging eyeballs about to collapse.



Then lo and behold, when a new lot was sighted,
We knew in an instance our purchase was blighted.
The helpers were fighting with roaring chainsaws -
Enough to give even the bold buyer pause.

Their eyes, how they twinkled!  Their do-rags?  How merry!
Their screams and their grunts and their snarls were too scary.



So off to the Y lot?  Expensive.  Absurd!
We drove to Home Depot along with the herd.
But the tree wouldn't fit in the back or the trunk
 So had to get help from the parking lot drunk.

He helped us attach our fine tree to the rack
With string that he'd squirreled away in his sack,
Mom slipped him a ten dollar bill as his pay -
Enough to go buy him a fine Chardonnay.



And finally home, with our tree and our treasures,
We started on our Christmas pet-proofing measures.



(to be continued with the next Christmas bracelet)

This bracelet's right here, and it's on as an auction.
It's jammed full of charms - a right jolly concoction.